I don't blog much, as you may have noticed. If and when i do, there's a good chance that it will be here or here.

GOODBYE SWEET GOOGLE BLOG!

It's pretty tough knowing that the one you love the most is struggling and there isn't much that you can do about it. I want to fix everything, I want to let Michelle know that everything is going to be okay. I've never been so in love, so secure in my future. There are things that we cannot control, but I believe that we can make choices to help predict the outcome of what is ahead of us.

My eyes are wide open, my heart is where it should be. Michelle, don't stop pushing for it. Don't stop believing in what your heart tells you. Struggle never lasts forever if you want it to end.

With love, it's all worth reaching for.

Tony Hawk's Pro Skater is one of the most addicting games on the planet. I spent some time last night with my friend Ron re-beating Tony Hawk 3 so we could unlock skate videos of Rodney Mullen and Andrew Reynolds. It's soooooo fun! What a great game...

I realized that, beyond the video game, skateboarding would be a fantastic career. Well, not for me (anymore at least). It's really cool thinking that, when these professionals were young, that's what they wanted to do, so they did it. I know it comes naturally to a lot of people, and for others it takes a lot of work. The point is, it's the most fun for these people, and they make a living off of it.

I'm going to school for software development. It's becoming something that I quite enjoy. I feel fortunate that I'm able to do the things that I want to do. There's a few people that I know that don't have it that way. It's never too late to do exactly what you always wanted to do. There are people at my school with children, young adults, old adults... they all have goals that they are going to achieve. It's a good feeling knowing that if you want something, all you have to do is go and get it.

Go get it.

I realized that I really have nothing to write about. I'm not sad really, I'm actually quite content. I enjoy doing a lot of things, but I never really find myself being compelled to write about any of those things. This should be a good opportunity for me to change that.

I don't want to be to personal. I don't want to present pure information. I guess it would be nice to maybe present my outlooks on life to the people who are interested.

I've been really happy for about a year now. Before that, I didn't really have much to be that "depressed" about (that's a scary word for me), I just never realized how well off I am. I've always had it really easy... I've never felt like I was completely struggling.

I'm in the mentality that life is really simple now. I don't need answers for all of life's questions. I don't need to know why there is war, death, disease, love, and hate. I'm under the belief that this is God's plan, the way it should be. You choose the way that most of your life is going to be before you are here, knowing most of the things that will happen before hand. You choose most of your experiences, and how you affect other people.

With that in mind, I think it's my responsibility to show the people that I care about that I actually care about them. I don't ever want anyone that I love to think that it is not that way. I feel that all that we will have left before this life is over is the ability to express our feelings to another person. Regardless of sex, ethnic background, religion... it's my job as part of the human race.

Keep ya' head up, always.

It's a funny feeling coming to certain realizations. Feeling off about things that have happened in my past. Feeling a certain way at one point, than a year later feeling the complete opposite. And realizing that things that I've said, reactions that I've had may have been completely wrong. As much as I understand that I am human, that I will make mistakes...I never want to.

Wait, where are we?

Relationships, of course. Starting in February of 2005, I made a choice to commit to someone. As simple as that, at least at the time. Funny part is, I knew I was leaving in a little over a month to try and start my academic career at Neumont University. Yet I still decided to commit, and in normal Heathershaw fashion, I was all in. Almost immediately. And everything was so great.

I have absolutely no clue what made me finally quit smoking. It's been almost 2 years now, and I feel that it's one of the best decisions that I have made. It's something I will suggest to any smoker, as it is a welcome change for your body (read this for some interesting information on the benefits of quitting now). Something was off, wait this isn't right... I thought we were going to quit together? Of course I learned this after i was six-hundred miles away. Distance is not the cure for anxiety. This built and built, my need for her to quit...and it never happened. I was able to efficiently change myself into a whiny, needy, crying boy. A twenty-one year old boy. This was acceptable at the time. Perfectly acceptable for almost a year.

During this time, I quit school, and came back "home" for a few months. Fortunately, I was given the opportunity to return to Utah to retry what I had originally given up...

And things got better.

My first quarter in school was fantastic. After a few months, I started playing drums for a local Salt Lake City band, Larusso. I've confirmed, better yet found, my beliefs in Jesus Christ and Christianity. What could possibly get better?

Knowing that I am absolutely in love. And I am, believe it. And it's real.

It's all worth reaching for...